She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
