Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
