yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
