We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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