I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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