You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
