My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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