Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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