Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize