I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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