Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
