I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
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I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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