This dress was meant to end up on your floor
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
