There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
