they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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