and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
