Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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