Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
