so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
