I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
