Moan for me like Helen Keller
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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