Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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