Betty ford says i'm here all night
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
