Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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