I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
