So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
