He had one of those small greek statue penises
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You can't just leave with hair like that
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
