just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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