if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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