Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
A bitchslap is in order.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
