I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
