Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
