If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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