I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she looked like the before picture.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
