John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
