Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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