I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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