I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
