I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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