but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
