Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is wine microwaveable?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize