wat bout pragnant strippers??
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
