This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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