Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
