woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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