Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
