I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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