Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
