TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
