burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
