hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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