Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
