We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
