Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
