Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
