I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
