he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
