Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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