i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
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He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time