it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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