If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
