We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
