I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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