hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
