Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
