Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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