why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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