In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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