Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
