I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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