toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do herpes really smell.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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