when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
