When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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