Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
