Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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