you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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