It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
