just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My dick has a subreddit
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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