shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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