there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
