very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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