i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize