Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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