a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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